What could be more social than tailgating? Beer, brats, bros – the elements are all there for a wonderful day of sports enjoyment.

If you watch a sporting event on TV, you’ll see an average of 4, 362 ads during the course of the event. At least 200% of these ads will be staged at a tailgate party or at a viewing gathering at a bar or house. The announcers of the game have a 92% chance of giving you 5.2 useless and inane statistics per breath while saying, “…you talk about the X…,” and, “…from the standpoint of…” in 55.8% of sentences during clear weather – unless it’s the playoffs, when the number drops to 44.8%.

But if you’re actually at a tailgate party, surrounded by merry friends, monomaniacal fans and a misappropriated feline, AT&T has a best-practices guide for your behavior. Be a jagoff.

The basics:

Your Friend: “Hey, buddy, I care about you and like for you to feel included. Did you hear this really interesting news I just heard?”
You: “Um, yeah, jackass – heard that already – Where have you been?”

Advanced cases:

Your friend: “Hey guys! I respect your knowledge and would like to learn how to do something. Can you help me?”
You: “You’re dumb – we already know how to do that and won’t help you learn.”


Your friend: “I love you and don’t want you to be eaten by a tig-”
You: “Dude, the tiger is already full.”

All of the sweet, thoughtful people in the ad are dismissed as behind-the-times, and we’re supposed to want to emulate the only two d-bags.

This isn’t the only version of the ad. Though the heroes are now women, the same “emulate the a-hole” dynamics are hard at work here too. Terrible.


Hit and Miss

iOS, Android, Blackberry and Windows Phone platforms aren’t the only thing being sold by phone manufacturers.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ll have seen these two ads for the HTC Rezound, with Beats Audio. Beats Audio is Dr. Dre’s line of headphones, speakers and bass-heavy, “studio quality” audio gear.

In this piece, the Rezound enriches every aspect of the environment of the cab-riding Manhattanite early adopter. Manhole covers quiver with the beat, a crosswalk becomes a Tom Hanks-worthy piano for the feet, and the words “I feel awesome” fill your ears, repeat. Neat.

But something terrible happened on the way to selling the HTC Rezound.

Somebody watched Inception.

This spot’s hero is riding the subway. Inexplicably, he hasn’t been wearing his headphones while on the subway, but plants Dr. Dre’s ear buds deep when he reaches the street. Naturally, the world (which looks to be the set of How I Met Your Mother) starts exploding in slow motion.

This guy is a disaster. First off, he’s a Cubs fan. Really? Unlike his well-mannered co-Rezounder from the first ad, he eschews the crosswalk for a diagonal crossing of the street, all the while oblivious to the Inception outtakes playing around him. And when he gets a call? Yep, he plants his oblivious self in the middle of a street already narrowed by a construction site. Nice. I want to be just like him.

OK, the song makes reference to the world feeling what his beats feel. Great. Actually, no. Horrible.