Wow, I was dumb when I was a kid. I used a rope swing. Once, I almost landed on my stupid brother! Phew! I’m glad those risky days are over.

I was also pretty dumb in school when I was a kid, because I didn’t learn anything about erosion. I seem to think that the crumbly cliff I’m standing on has been frozen in time, unchanged, for the past 40+ years. This rope swing is the same one that I used to use as a youngster too. The rocks look sharp and pointy. I bet they’ve been sharpened by all those waves over the years, ’cause that’s how waves work!

Today, I’m way smarter. I use medications with lots of properly disclaimed risks including death. I tempt the fates walking my dog without bringing a leash. I go hiking alone, wearing absorbent 100% cotton and denim – what every hiker wears. I rock some long swim trunks underneath my jeans when I hike, so when the opportunity arises, I can go swimming in some heavy river current with my dog… and my clogged arteries… alone.

What’s that? Sunblock? Nah, look – no tan lines! Sunglasses? Retinas of steel. Anyway, diet and exercise didn’t work, so I just do what my doctor tells me. That guy had to be good in school, right? He’s a doctor!